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Club Med Turkoise

Club Med Turkoise
Club Med Turkoise Resort Turks and Caicos

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Club Med Turkoise

Club Med Turkoise

Turks & Caicos Islands
British West Indies
Phone: +1-649-946-5500
Rating: 4 Star
Rooms: 290
Pools: 1
Restaurants: 3
Type: Adults Only Resort
Health Club: Yes
Day Spa: Yes
Cocktail Lounges: 2
Club Med Turkoise Reviews


Club Med Turkoise Room Club Med Turkoise Pool


Club Med Turkoise Resort is an adults only village (18 years and over). The resort is located in the Turks & Caicos Islands. Turks and Caicos is east of Cuba and north of Haiti. Club Med Turkoise offers scuba and snorkeling in some of the most translucent ocean waters on Earth. There is also dedicated dive center for scuba diving. Other activities include windsurfing and sailing. Club Med Turkoise is one of the most social and international of Club Med Villages. There are no strangers - at least not for long. You can also learn circus skills including the Flying Trapeze in an intensive circus program. Whether it's at the bottom of the sea or on the dance floor Club Med Turkoise is a place to discover yourself! You'll want to take part in the sporting activities and the fun in this all-American atmosphere.


Facilities:
290 Deluxe Rooms, Air Conditioning, All-Inclusive Resort, 1 Pool, Jacuzzis, Swim-up Bar, 3 Restaurants, 2 Bars, Scuba Diving, Snorkeling, Tennis, Table Tennis, Game room, Gift Shop, Beauty Salon, Car Rental, Laundry Service.

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Traveler Posted: Club Med Turkoise Review
Reviewed By: Lev
From: New York City, N.Y.
Trip Date: June 2011
Overall Rating:
Dining at Resort:
Sleeping Room:
Pool Area:
Beach Area:
Friendly Staff:
Remarks:
"You will only enjoy your trip to The Club Med in Turks and Caicos (called Turkoise) if you joyfully savor your time on the stunningly beautiful beach, and if you ignore almost everything else. If you fail to maintain this selective awareness, you will return from your trip eager to post a review with the headline "Never again!" So, coming here is tough choice, even for easy-going travellers. Here's why: The Great, The Good and the Tolerable The resort will pleasantly surprise any avid beach connoisseur. I've gone to many beaches around the world over the years, but none this good. Sadly, you won't find any other pleasant surprises here, if you expect a 4-star luxury vacation. Some aspects of the resort do qualify as acceptable/good. You'll find the staff here consistently friendly. The food in the main dining hall is OK, despite some scary exceptions (see below). Most of the entertainers (dancers, singers, etc.) work hard to earn your smiles and laughs. And the club manages to attract a diverse mix of guests with contagiously carefree attitudes. I met some fellow overworked New Yorkers, charmingly snooty French people, lots of Italians and some Russians, all enjoying the resort with the voracity of a starved man attacking an all-you-can-eat buffet. If you spend most of your time here on the beach and in the pool area - swimming, walking, running, practicing yoga, meditating, socializing, dining, dancing - you will enjoy every minute, and not much else will matter.

The Bad and The Ugly: On the other hand, as soon as you start walking towards your room, you'll discover the resort's disheartening dark side. The landscaping in parts resembles a construction site (e.g., dried out lawns, craggy rocks, cracked cement pavements). To reach your motel-quality accommodations, you'll need to walk up a staircase and through a tenement-style wrap-around walkway with uneven cement flooring and unfinished wooden guardrails clearly starting to rot after years of water damage. When you enter your room, you'll immediately wonder where and when Club Med purchased the furniture (Salvation Army? When Elvis was still alive?). You might turn to the mini bar to help you get over the shock, but there is no mini bar. Seriously. So you'll collapse on your bed, and within seconds, you'll feel the urge to call the front desk to find out if they've heard of Sleepy's and some of the advances in mattress technology since Club Med's founding. If you suffer from any back pain, you might get better sleep in one of the hammocks by the beach. Trying to get online will remind you of the Internet's dial-up days and make you wish you had brought a team of IT consultants with you. (FYI - Your own wireless connection will not work here) For all these reasons, soon after settling in, you'll lose any desire to stay in your room. That's not a bad conclusion. If you saunter over to Sharkie's Bar, don't eat there. The burgers and hot dogs at Sharkie's would mystify even the food engineers at McDonald's and Taco Bell. In the main dining hall, most of the food is digestible, but stay away from any exotic/experimental concoctions; otherwise, you may suffer gastrointestinal symptoms whose severity can be simulated by an intra-rectal detonation of a medium-potency explosive device.

In my first two days here, I learned these simple do's and don'ts and I stayed mostly on the beach, swimming, tanning and reading a fascinating book (Joseph Campell's "The Inner Reaches of Outer Space") to the rhythmic sound of gentle waves washing over talcum-soft sand. I also enjoyed friendly repartee with some fascinating characters. Despite these simple pleasures, it would only be fair to say that the 4-star average rating for the resort on several travel sites is objectively and indisputably wrong. Without the exquisite beach, Turkoise would be fairly rated as off-the-charts-bad, simply not fit for vacations. A Note to the Authors of Positive or Ecstatic Reviews What type of hallucinogenic did you consume during your stay here, and where can I get it? It's one thing to focus on the good when you stay here, but for the benefit of the people considering coming here for the first time, your ratings should reflect the decrepit condition of the buildings, rooms and landscape.

Understand how deeply people value their vacation time. Increasingly overworked and overstressed, people across productivity-obsessed modern societies see vacations as a cherished respite, a brief opportunity to nurture their fuller potential and see their lives as they were meant to be and could still become. Vacations are a sacred time, a modern-day Holy of Holies and Ark of the Covenant, set aside from our ordinary lives to help re-awaken the nobler impulses of our souls. When you post an overblown review, you are committing an unholy act no less egregious than tricking a rabbi into eating bacon. (See Leviticus 19:14: "placing a stumbling block before the blind"). Don't do it. Be fair. Be truthful. A Note to Club Med Management You have lost your way and sold your soul. If the hospitality industry awarded Oscars for deceptive marketing, youd be so qualified for the dubious honor that you should just start working on your acceptance speech. But you're not beyond redemption. You should really take to heart the suggestions of many of the reviewers here and on other sites who agree that Turkoise needs a major upgrade. I'm not an architect but I think it would be most economical to tear the place down and build a real resort. Because your business model and brand have changed dramatically over the past few years, you simply cannot afford not to make this investment. The resort no longer offers carnal delights so it should at least provide basic comforts. Otherwise, the reflexive enthusiasm of your die-hard fans will eventually and inevitably vanish, and you will lose business as vacationers increasingly become more mindful of quality and value. Until you do build a real resort here, you should market Turkoise more honestly. Your bookers and your website should stop describing Turkoise as a luxury resort, and they should certainly stop calling it a singles destination. Both claims are false by any reasonable standard. (Side note: Please fix the toilet seat in room 2127. Some of the screws are loose or missing, and the seat can slide unexpectedly. You wouldn't want a guest to slip and fall during a bowel movement set off by your chefs inspired creations.) A Note to Sex-seekers I feel deep empathy for your ambitions, and I can only help you by urging you to go elsewhere. Yes, this resort used to be a sex-seeker's paradise, or so I've heard. Apparently that's history. There are no more sex games here and no staff blending into the crowd to get the guests laid. In fact, this is not even a singles resort anymore. It attracts plenty of couples and people of all ages, from teenagers to octogenarians. Club Med Turkoise changed from a proudly different destination offering a unique vacation experience to a just another sub-standard resort, redeemed from sheer mediocrity by its world-class beach, great staff and a genuinely talented cast of entertainers. The club's transformation over the past decade is sad but understandable for a publicly traded company that needs to maintain access to capital and minimize the risk of sexual harassment and personal injury lawsuits. On a related note, it was amusing to meet Club Med fanatics/veterans who tend to reminisce wistfully about the resort's orgy era the way Marcus Aurelius -- in the movie Gladiator -- reminisces about the lost glory of Rome. Many of the veterans continue to come here regularly, perhaps to nurture their memories of the better days or to maintain their denial that their beloved Sodom and Gomorra was willed out of existence by the gods of capitalism. In any case, the recidivist visitors still wax poetic about the Club Med experience, despite the absence of substantive proof. Inflated Ratings This example of Pavlovian conditioning helps explain Turkoises vastly inflated average ratings. It probably also helps the club that some of the visitors simply dont know better. But to create and maintain the illusion of comfort and luxury, Turkoise takes another crucial step that fuses some of the finest clichis of sleazy salesmanship. The process works in two easy steps. First, when you arrive, a cheery welcoming committee immediately showers you with attention as they introduce you to "so many great/fun/beautiful/delicious" things at the resort. Ostensibly, they are trying to help you start your vacation right. In reality, the clear intent of these group-think experiments is to put some lipstick on the pig, so to speak. If you serve a McDonald's burger to an unsuspecting patron at a fine restaurant, and if you surround this guest with people trained to exclaim ecstatically as they pretend to savor this culinary abomination, you'll be surprised by the dramatic increase in the perceived quality of the artery-occluding mystery meal. Second, before you depart for the airport, the head of the resort and other staff come out to see you off. With obviously pre-rehearsed comments and quips, they reiterate the essential aspects of the illusion they work hard to maintain, and they try to trick the departing guests into voicing their agreement with various Club Med falsehoods. They also explicitly and shamelessly ask guests to write positive reviews on travel sites, and they actually wait for the guest to confirm that he or she plans to comply with this request. I've seen similar tactics used in many places around the world (e.g., tourist-trap stores, car dealerships, telemarketing scripts, religious cults, strip-tease clubs, etc.). It's always sad to see that, sometimes, the deception works. Pavlovian dogs really do start to salivate at the sound of the nutrition-free whistle. And resorts like Turkoise sometimes succeed in manufacturing high ratings on travel sites. In Conclusion We probably cant eliminate dishonesty from the marketplace. But you can at least try to avoid rip-offs. Most importantly, never hesitate to look a smiling sleezy salesman in the eye - hold the gaze firmly and fearlessly - and tell him that the world would be a better place if he went out of business."- Lev from New York City


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Traveler Posted: Club Med Turkoise Review
Reviewed By: Doug
From: Emporia, Kansas
Trip Date: June 2008
Overall Rating:
Dining at Resort:
Sleeping Room:
Pool Area:
Beach Area:
Friendly Staff:
Remarks:
"We had a great time at the Club Med Turkoise. There was lot's to do. We tried the flying trapeze and had a ball. The staff was great and made the vacation fun. The food was decent and the pool area was real nice"- Doug from Emporia, Kansas


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